I figured this blog post might be able to shed some light onto my reclusive state for those who don't understand. I want to explain why someone might chose solitude over socialization, especially after reading a recent blog post of an acquaintance where he/she could not comprehend why someone would not want to go out and be around people no matter how many times they were invited to join him/her. Frankly, I found this acquaintance's post narrow-minded and judgmental. I can understand his/her statement about the importance of interacting with people face-to-face, but to me it is obvious that he/she does not understand what it's like to be an introvert and need time alone to rejuvenate.
Society has long frowned upon the idea of someone showing signs of being an introvert. On one of the TV shows I watched during my seclusion the parents of an infant were discussing the merits of taking their child to a play group when the parent advocating for socialization stated "We don't want him to become introverted, now do we?" thus ending the conversation. There have even been suggestions of classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder, like some kind of mental illness. I find these points of view like I did the acquaintance's blog post -- very narrow-minded!
I believe introverted personalities to be one of the least understood things in the world today, especially in American culture. If someone makes the choice to spend time alone, then those who do not understand why suddenly feel the need to jump in and pull this lonely soul back into socialization for their own good. Since these well meaning people have been trained to only see the benefits of socializing they cannot see the harm they are actually doing. By dragging an introvert into social situations the well meaning people are denying the introvert the chance to recharge their internal battery thus continually draining their personal energy reserves down to nothing -- talk about an energy crisis!
But choosing isolation is not the only sign that someone is an introvert. My cousin posted an article a few months back about how to spot an introvert (which you can read here). The article lists 23 telltale signs of introversion with a short description of each. For those who may not have the time or desire to read the article the list is as follows:
- You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.
- You go to parties -– but not to meet people.
- You often feel alone in a crowd.
- Networking makes you feel like a phony.
- You've been called "too intense."
- You're easily distracted.
- Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
- Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
- When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.
- You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
- You're in a relationship with an extrovert.
- You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.
- You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.
- You screen all your calls -- even from friends.
- You notice details that others don't.
- You have a constantly running inner monologue.
- You have low blood pressure.
- You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.
- You don't feel "high" from your surroundings.
- You look at the big picture.
- You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”
- You’re a writer.
- You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.
I'd like to go into more personal detail about several of these, but I think that will have to wait for some future blog post...
Suffice it to say that I know each one of these things (with the exception of number 11) applies to me. Some of my friends might be confused about this because of how social I was in Colorado over the past few years as well as when I first moved to Utah. Let me point you back to numbers 10 and 23 on the list. The almost constant state of socialization that I was in wore me down to the point of needing an extended period of solitude. I couldn't take the constant social pressures and expectations anymore so I chose not to be around people in general. It was so much easier to decide not to go to anything or be around anyone than agonize over who I would socialize with and when.
In these past few months I have filled my time with what I have called previously my guilty pleasures of reading and crochet. I have also caught up on various TV shows (most of them British in origin) and some movies. These things have filled my time outside of work and church. So, why would I choose books, crochet, and visual media to be my companions over human interaction?
Well, there you have it. If in the last 3-4 months you have asked me to do something social you now have somewhat of an explanation as to why I declined or remained silent. This is by no means a complete listing of my motivations, but it's a start. I am finally to a point where I will even consider being social again. Just this evening I seriously considered meeting up with some friends and was fully planning on going until family stuff came up... but the explanation for that excuse is for another time.
P.S. - Feedback is welcome. Just remember that on my blog, as on any personal Facebook post, I reserve the right to moderate comments and publish/remove as I see fit.
