Clarity

Life has been a bit rough on me lately, but that is life. I am grateful for the people in my life who think I am wonderful or amazing or what-have-you. I am even more grateful for those people who have taken the opportunity to tell me what they think to my face instead of leaving me in the dark.

Yes, the last post was an expression of my frustration about boys. Yes, it was brought about by one specific boy most recently. But more than that it was an expression of my feeling of helplessness in that part of my life. Friendships don't really come easily for me... they never have. I may know lots of people, but how many of them can say they know me? I have no ill feelings towards the boy who thinks I'm "wonderful" but not for him. In fact I have a greater respect for him for being straightforward with me instead of leading me on. I am hurt by the repetition of this situation I find myself in.

I had a long talk with my bishop today... about an hour and a half long. I made the appointment earlier in the week when I was really down in the dumps, but decided to stick with the meeting anyway. Boy, am I glad I did! I really needed someone to talk to, to have someone's undivided attention to listen to me really express myself. He really helped me to see things a bit clearer in my life so while things aren't what I'd have hoped they'd be I still have a pretty good life. And it was a great way to finish my day at chuch which was accented by an amazing Sunday School lesson taught by one of my friends.

I think I'm done rambling for now. It has been a long week, but ultimately a good one. For the few of you that actually take the time to read this little blog of mine, thank you. I appreciate the comments and want you to know that I really am doing ok. I have my bad days, but somehow I always manage to bounce back.

Empty, Aching, Tumbling, Breaking

Being told how "amazing" and "wonderful" I am doesn't really help when in the long run I know I'm invisible...

Where Did The Time Go???

I've been taking a look back at my life lately through pictures and by reading my journals. All that comes to mind at those times is "Where did the time go when everything was simple and free? I want to know what happened." I guess it just that I can hardly believe that:

~It has been 9 years since I graduated from high school (they are starting to plan my 10 year reunion though I don't know if I will go).

~It has been 7 years since I went to Australia and then moved away from home for the first time. It was also around that time that one of my best friends got married. (Happy Anniversary Amber and Jesse)

~It has been 6 years since I moved into my first apartment in Monroe, LA. That same summer I went to Mexico on a Study Abroad program. (That was the last time I left the country - I need to use my passport again!)

~It has been almost 5 years since Hurricanes Katrina and Rita devistated the coast of Louisiana (now they're dealing with an oil spill).

~It has been 4 years since I graduated from ULM with my BS in Math Education, moved back home, and started working for Sylvan Learning Center.

~It has been 3 years since I was accepted to DU, another one of my best friends got married (Happy Anniversary Kat and Scott), and I moved to Colorado.

~It has been 2 years since I moved into my current apartment with my first room mate Amanda.

~It has been 1.5 years since another best friend got married (Erica and Josh) and I was the Maid of Honor at her wedding in Chicago.

~It has been 1 year since I graduated from DU with my Masters in Library and Information Science and got a new room mate Jessica.

Throughout the past year there have been many times of unceratinty, much crying for what now seems like unimportant reasons. Looking ahead I know there will be many more times of uncertainty. I'm moving in 3 weeks (staying in Colorado, just moving closer to my sister in Parker), but there is now an uncertainty concerning my room mate. Amanda and I have been planning on moving back together, even found a place we like and put the deposit on it. However, she now has an interview in Fargo and there is the chance that she will be moving away. I really want her to get a good job, I just wish it wasn't so far away.

There are many other things I could share about my looking back - the many guys that I have liked but they never liked me back; the friends that have moved, gone on missions, or gotten married; the family vacations and holidays; the joys and sorrows of everyday living. For now, I just want everyone to know that I am doing well, still trying to find a better job that is the right fit for me, and have gone on more dates since the beginning of the year than I ever thought I would. I am looking forward to moving to Parker even if I do end up having to find a new room mate again. I am looking forward to warm temperatures sticking around for the summer. I'm looking forward to seeing my family (parents and all 4 siblings) next month in the Bountiful Temple. I'm looking forward to getting to see my favorite band at one of my favorite venues (BNL at Red Rocks in July!!!) I'm looking forward to the opportunities that this summer will bring me whatever they may be. But most of all, I'm living each day as it comes, looking for opportunities that my Father in Heaven places before me and trying not to let them pass me by.

Here's a song for you to enjoy:

Normally, I Hate Commercials

I love to watch the Hallmark Hall of Fame on CBS. I think the movies are well made and often touch my heart. But even more than the movies I watch the Hallmark Hall of Fame for the Hallmark commercials. I know how silly that might seem to some people, but it's the truth. There are times when the movie doesn't particularly interest me when I see the promos for it but I still watch it to see if they will play some of my favorite commercials. The latest Hall of Fame movie is a perfect example of this. I thought about not watching it because the story didn't really interest me. I knew I wouldn't be home Sunday night to watch it so I recorded it to watch later if I became so inclined. That inclination came tonight after I got home from my ward's Family Home Evening. I admit the story is very compelling and inspiring, but my favorite part came once again during the commercial break. I knew as soon as I saw the first image of the commercial that it was my all time favorite commercial.




Every time I see this commercial I cry. There is just something about a father showing his love and support for his daughter that really gets to me. The belief that this fathter has in his daughter is something that always reminds me of my own father, both the one who raised me and my Father in Heaven. I sometimes forget this, but there is always the truth that "Good things will come."

Looking Back

I figure it's about time I let those few people who actually read my blog know how my birthday went. It was amazing! I started the day off by going to the temple.

After the temple I went to the airport to pick up my Mom and take her up to Grandma's house. The three of up went out for lunch at The Egg & I.

After lunch I went back to my apartment for a little while. It was a good thing that I did because my older brother sent me birthday flowers!

Note: this is what the flowers looked like after a few days.

They were not blooming when I got them.

Throughout the day I talked to friends and family over the phone and through text messages. While I was taking care of my flowers one of my friends, Nathan, suggested we take advantage of the beautiful weather and get some ice cream before dinner.

We had won this gift card to Cold Stone over a month before my birthday.

It was time to use it!

The spotanious ice cream run made us late for the dinner reservations I made at Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen. When I arrived at the restaurant most of my friends that had come were standing outside. They weren't used to me being late. Anyway, I enjoyed 4 pounds of boiled crawfish and a mason jar of banana pudding for dessert as well as some of the best company a girl could ask for!

Boiled Crawfish

Banana Pudding in a Mason Jar

(I got to keep the jar!)

Just a few of the awesome people that came out to celebrate with me.

Back: Laura, Crystal, Barbie, me, Rick; Front: Jessica, Debbie

Nathan, me, and Dustin. These guys are such sweeties!

The end of my birthday brought me to the hospital near where I live. No, I was not there for me. One of my good friends, Jason W., was there and I stopped in to visit him. Alas, I did not get a picture of us that night.

That, however, was not the end to my celebrations. I decided to go ahead and make some changes the Friday after my birthday. I started by going to see Crystal to get my hair done. I decided to let her do whatever she wanted while I had my eyes closed. When I opened them, this is what I saw:

I also decided to finally get my ears pierced. This may not seem like a big thing to most people, but to me it was something I'd been thinking about and putting off for years. That and sometimes it's fun to be spontanious!

Note: This was a couple days after getting my hair done and ears pierced.

The Saturday after my birthday I went with my older sister, her family, and my good friend Ashlee to see Mary Poppins on stage. This was my present from my Grandma (she's way awesome!).

I loved this show!

Me and my handsome date/ nephew James

Two weeks after my birthday I flew over to Utah with my Mom for a little visit. While I was there I bought the new Barenaked Ladies album "All in Good Time" (absolutely love it!) and went with my little sister to see Michael Buble in concert! I had a blast!

Frances and me, waiting for the concert to start.

So, that about sums up my birthday celebrations. I had a great time and look forward to the year ahead. I noticed as I was looking back that I have already experienced the first six out of eight things that I was/ am looking forward to (see post titled "8 Things! REALLY?!?" if you're confused). That doesn't leave much for me to look forward to, but who knows... maybe life will start being nicer to me like it was on my birthday.