Faith Over Fear

Today I faced one of my fears. (I don't often admit to having fears so people take note.) I sang a solo in Sacrament Meeting at church. I love singing and have sung in choirs at church and in the community since I was about 12. I've even sung with my sister in a smaller meeting before. However, this was different. I was terrified, not of doing a bad job, but of being the only one that about 150 people were focused on for 5 minutes while I tried to share the sweet message of the song I'd chosen. I can't really explain my nerves, but I managed to somehow plow through them and finish much stronger than I started.

I want to share the story of how I came to choose the song I did and the process of getting me to follow through with singing a solo in church. About a year ago my sister Katie and I went to a women's conference called Time Out for Women. This was our second time going together. At the Friday night presentation a musician by the name of Michael McLean sang a few of the songs he'd written over the past 25 (now 26) years. One song in particular touched me, bringing tears to my eyes. (I bawled like a baby!) As he sang I remember thinking "This song is about me!" I ended up purchasing some of his CDs and this song was on one of them. I would play it in my car, singing along with the words and sometimes crying when I felt particularly low. Time went on and during one of my many trips to visit my parents in Utah last summer I found a song book with the music and lyrics for this song. Jackpot! I didn't really care that there were about 50 songs in that book, just that it had that song. Needless to say, I got the book not really planning anything.

At church they ask for volunteers to perform special musical numbers between the speakers. About 4 or 5 months ago I started feeling like I should share the song with everyone. The only problem was I needed practice... LOTS of practice. Events were set in motion and I was scheduled to sing in church in November, but I lost my voice. I'd felt like I'd dodged a bullet. December came and everyone wanted to sing some Christmas song and I was more than happy to let them. I didn't say anything about singing and no one said anything to me. Then about a month ago I again had a feeling that I should sing that song in church and soon. I knew that  the last Sunday in February and first Sunday in March would not be options due to the meeting schedule so I set my sights on today, the second Sunday. (There are many other reasons I wanted it to be on this date because of special significance it has in my life.) I spoke with a wonderful pianist and freind of mine, Cassandra, and we began practicing. It was a very rough start too, but thanks to Cassie's effort and encouragement I managed to get the hang of many of the phrasings I'd struggled with.

Then today came. I couldn't believe it when I woke up. A day that had seemed so far away when I made up my mind was now here. I had to sing a solo in church. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! My nerves were trying to get the best of me. When the time came to walk up front to sing I thought I was going to pass out or shake apart. Looking at the congregation I no longer knew what to think. I just knew I had to sing. Cassie started playing. I started shaking. The first notes came out wabbly. Thank goodness for practice because I finally had to just shut my eyes for a few moments while continuing to sing. I focused on the words I was singing and the message I was trying to share. By the time I started the last verse I knew I could finish stronger than I'd started. The last line of music came. The song ended. I'd done it. When I sat down I was shaking like crazy, but I had faced my fear head on and shared a message I'd wanted to share for a long time.

By this point you're probably wondering what song I sang that was so important for me to share. Fear not! I shall end this post by including the name and lyrics of this beautiful song. It's not quite the same as hearing someone sing it, but it's the best I can do for now.

Ninety and Nine

I am one of the ninety and nine.
I'm not perfect but basically I'm doing fine.
I have not lost my way,
I have not gone astray.
I'm just one of the ninety and nine.

I am here in the heart of the fold.
I'm not mindless, but I try to do as I'm told.
I'm not tempted to run,
And become the lost one.
I am here in the heart of the fold.

So, why is my Sheperd
Coming this way toward me?
He's holding His arms out,
And He's calling my name.
Yes, He's calling my name.
But how, how can this be?

I'm just one of the ninety and nine.
I have stumbled and fallen,
But I've kept in line.
I'm not one He must seek.
I'm not all that unique.
I'm just one of the ninety and nine.

So, why is my Sheperd
Treating me like a lost lamb?
He's searching to find me,
And He's holding me now.
Yes, He's holding me now,
And teaching me who I am.

So, why am I feeling
Like I'm the only one here?
It's like I'm His favorite,
And He takes me aside
And He sweetly confides
These remarkable words in my ear.

You are one of the ninety and nine.
Have you any idea how brightly you shine?
You are safe in this fold,
And it's time you were told
That I know where you've been so I know where you'll be
Because all of your life you've been following me.
You are more than just one of the sands of the sea
Or just one of the ninety and nine!

You are mine!
You are mine!
You are mine!
You are mine!

I am one of the ninety and nine.