(Un)wanted

Ok, it's about time I let those who actually read this little blog of mine know what's been going on. The plans in my previous post have been suspended for now due to other circumstances. The day after my last post I had an interview for a really good job that was sort of placed before me (I didn't seek it out). The interview went really well especially considering how I really didn't want to go into downtown Denver that day for the interview but went anyway. Before I left I was told "I'll let you know in 7 to 10 days." I had heard that before after other interviews but this time I believed it because he (the guy who interviewed me) knew that I had been kept in the dark about other jobs. Two weeks later I still hadn't heard anything and in my life no news is no job. After much prodding from my mom, my older sister, and my roommate I called him to get an update. Turns out an internal employee had expressed interest in the position and back out again before I interviewed only to express interest again after my interview. I was kind of bummed but still had a little hope because a final decision still had not been made. I was once again promised that I would be informed of the final decision soon. Fast forward to today, over a month since the interview, and still no news. I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I didn't get the job, but I needed to know for sure. I sent an email this time asking for an update - the internal employee had been offered and accepted the job. As I read the email I thought "I should be mad" and in some was I am. But more than anything I feel defeated once again. I'm living from day to day trying to figure out where the money will come from to pay the bills on time without being a burden to my roommate or to my family. Yes, I am glad I have people to help me out at times like this but I really want to be able to support myself for a change and put money into savings rather than constantly taking it out. I still want to get my Colorado Teaching License but can I really justify paying all the required fees over paying the electric bill or rent. True, I can probably do with eating less but I can't live without milk! It's stressful enough trying to figure out those daily expenses that I'm struggling to continue moving forward with the whole teaching thing. Who knows... it might end up being just another way to be rejected by potential employers who give false hope.

(P.S.- I plan on writing again soon about a more positive perspective on things. This is just what had to be written as an update on my small existence in this corner of the world. It's too late in the evening for me to write everything tonight.)