One Explanation for not Blogging

The reason I didn't update this little blog of mine from April 2012 until just recently is that had several big changes in my life during that time. One of those changes involved leaving my job and moving in with my Grandma Jeane for several months. It was not an easy decision to leave that job with its good pay and benefits, but when I sent the notice to my boss to let her know I was leaving to help my grandma I felt a great sense of peace. I made arrangements to put most of my things in storage or donate things I no longer felt I could keep and made the move from Castle Pines to Broomfield. Because of things that had happened it was easier than you might think to leave the YSA branch (church congregation) of which I had been such a big part, including most of the people who I had called my friends. Some said they would come to Broomfield (less than an hour away) to visit me -- none did. The one time I went back to visit I saw how good it was for me to leave what had become a toxic environment in my life.

I moved in with Grandma in late July of last year, just before the start of the London Olympic. I helped her with everyday chores as much as she would let me. Though I had moved in to help her she was still very determined at 90 plus years old to do many things on her own. I was more than willing to do the everyday cleaning too, but she had a lady coming in once a week to clean the house and would therefore get upset with me when she found me cleaning. I was able to help her sort through some of her mother's old clothes and take them to Goodwill.

Mostly I kept Grandma company. I would take her to her physical therapy and doctor appointments. We would sit together and watch the Olympics or other programs she enjoyed. I suppose I could have updated this blog periodically while watching television, but if I was ever doing something on my phone or computer while the TV was on Grandma would ask what I was doing and want to know why I wasn't giving my complete attention to the television. She could kind of understand how I could divide my attention if I was working on one of my crochet projects since that was mostly my hands doing the work and not so much my brain, but computer and television at the same time was practically a no-no. I very quickly got tired of trying to explain my multitasking and just enjoyed my time with Grandma.

The hardest part about living with Grandma though was slowly watching her decline. Those who were not there everyday like I was or every few days like my Aunt Jane could not see this decline. When others would come for a short visit Grandma would hide her pain, discomfort, and forgetfulness pretending that everything was perfectly normal until they were gone. Because I was there I knew she was forgetting things like taking her medication properly or if the dog had already been fed (not that Megan ever minded being fed again). Grandma would often go back into her office to "clean off the desk" but would get so bogged down in all the junk mail that she would insist on reading that it rarely ever got better. Sometimes I would sneak things out to the garbage or recycling just so she wouldn't try to save what really should be thrown out!

Finally, it came time for me to admit that I had done all I could do for her. I'd managed to get my mom to see that Grandma really needed more professional help. I took Grandma to a nearby assisted living facility a couple of times just to get an idea of the setup and cost. Meanwhile, we'd discovered that her artificial hips (which were 25 plus years old) were failing and replacing them would mean a difficult surgery that she likely couldn't survive. Walking became more difficult and painful for her until the day before her 91st birthday she could not put weight on her leg and had to start using a wheelchair.

It was difficult to watch this slow deterioration, but I am very grateful for the time I got to spend with Grandma Jeane. The things I learned about her life while I was with her are things I will cherish all my life.

Katie and Grandma visiting last August before Ryan left for his new job in Seattle

Blowing out the candles for her 91st birthday

I'm so glad I'm named after my Grandma Jeane!