Hey, What's Going On

Over the past few months I have allowed myself to become more of a recluse. I'm sure this has puzzled those who have tried inviting me to things only to receive a response that I wasn't feeling well or already had plans. Confession: 90% of the time those "plans" were to stay home in my stretchy pants watching a movie/TV or reading a book. I can honestly say that for the most part recently I have found going out to be quite the burden and not something I'd enjoy. I got tired of getting dressed up and going out. I got tired of the social games. I got tired of having to fake practically everything just to be around people. Really, the only exceptions to being around people were my family members (as my sister-in-law said "we're not people; we're family") and would on occasion go out with my family to a concert or a movie night.

I figured this blog post might be able to shed some light onto my reclusive state for those who don't understand. I want to explain why someone might chose solitude over socialization, especially after reading a recent blog post of an acquaintance where he/she could not comprehend why someone would not want to go out and be around people no matter how many times they were invited to join him/her. Frankly, I found this acquaintance's post narrow-minded and judgmental. I can understand his/her statement about the importance of interacting with people face-to-face, but to me it is obvious that he/she does not understand what it's like to be an introvert and need time alone to rejuvenate.

Society has long frowned upon the idea of someone showing signs of being an introvert. On one of the TV shows I watched during my seclusion the parents of an infant were discussing the merits of taking their child to a play group when the parent advocating for socialization stated "We don't want him to become introverted, now do we?" thus ending the conversation. There have even been suggestions of classifying "introverted personality" as a disorder, like some kind of mental illness. I find these points of view like I did the acquaintance's blog post -- very narrow-minded!

I believe introverted personalities to be one of the least understood things in the world today, especially in American culture. If someone makes the choice to spend time alone, then those who do not understand why suddenly feel the need to jump in and pull this lonely soul back into socialization for their own good. Since these well meaning people have been trained to only see the benefits of socializing they cannot see the harm they are actually doing. By dragging an introvert into social situations the well meaning people are denying the introvert the chance to recharge their internal battery thus continually draining their personal energy reserves down to nothing -- talk about an energy crisis!

But choosing isolation is not the only sign that someone is an introvert. My cousin posted an article a few months back about how to spot an introvert (which you can read here). The article lists 23 telltale signs of introversion with a short description of each. For those who may not have the time or desire to read the article the list is as follows:

1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.
2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.
3. You often feel alone in a crowd.
4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.
5. You've been called "too intense."
6. You're easily distracted.
7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.
8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.
9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.
10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.
11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert.
12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.
13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.
14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends.
15. You notice details that others don't.
16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.
17. You have low blood pressure.
18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.
19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings.
20. You look at the big picture.
21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”
22. You’re a writer.
23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.

I'd like to go into more personal detail about several of these, but I think that will have to wait for some future blog post...

Suffice it to say that I know each one of these things (with the exception of number 11) applies to me. Some of my friends might be confused about this because of how social I was in Colorado over the past few years as well as when I first moved to Utah. Let me point you back to numbers 10 and 23 on the list. The almost constant state of socialization that I was in wore me down to the point of needing an extended period of solitude. I couldn't take the constant social pressures and expectations anymore so I chose not to be around people in general. It was so much easier to decide not to go to anything or be around anyone than agonize over who I would socialize with and when.

In these past few months I have filled my time with what I have called previously my guilty pleasures of reading and crochet. I have also caught up on various TV shows (most of them British in origin) and some movies. These things have filled my time outside of work and church. So, why would I choose books, crochet, and visual media to be my companions over human interaction?

Well, there you have it. If in the last 3-4 months you have asked me to do something social you now have somewhat of an explanation as to why I declined or remained silent. This is by no means a complete listing of my motivations, but it's a start. I am finally to a point where I will even consider being social again. Just this evening I seriously considered meeting up with some friends and was fully planning on going until family stuff came up... but the explanation for that excuse is for another time.

P.S. - Feedback is welcome. Just remember that on my blog, as on any personal Facebook post, I reserve the right to moderate comments and publish/remove as I see fit.

Halfway Through My 31st Year

In some ways today was a big day in my life. September 16th marks the halfway point between my birthdays -- my half-birthday, if you prefer. This half-birthday more significant that others because of one of the categories in which I am placed within my church. When I turned 18 I became categorized as a Young Single Adult at church. At that time I was living in Louisiana where the closest YSAWard (congregation) was the student ward at LSU which was at least a 40 minute drive if traffic was good (which it rarely was in Baton Rouge). The ward I grew up in had a pretty good YSA group so I decided to stay in that ward at that time. Two years later I moved to Monroe with my little brother to attend ULM making the distance to a YSA ward even greater -- I'm not even sure where the closest on was! So, I continued attending a traditional, aka family, ward. It wasn't until I moved to Colorado in the Summer of 2007 that I started attending a YSA ward (ah, Crowfoot!). I loved it there. The people were friendly. I had many additional opportunities to serve in that ward. I made some great friends during my time there. But things changed, they split the ward, and I became on of the first members of a newly formed YSA branch (smaller congregation). I was excited about the possibilities this new branch had to offer, but over time it proved to be more of a disappointment for me. I once again moved on and for a while I attended a YSA ward in Boulder, CO, that was quite pleasant and rather enjoyable. In many ways I miss that last ward more that the branch for which I had such high hopes.

But, I digress...

Present day finds me a member of a YSA ward in Bountiful, UT, that is also within a YSA stake (larger group for church governance) consisting of about 12 YSA wards all together. This is my first time being in a YSA stake and going to stake meetings where all you see are Young Single Adults -- it's definitely a Utah thing! I have been in this ward for about 9 months already, but I only have 6 months left at most. Thus we are at the significance of today. In my church, if you are not married by the time you turn 31 and you have been attending a YSA ward (especially in Utah) you are "aged out" of that ward (aka kicked out) and sent to a traditional ward or, if available, given the option to attend a Mid Single Adult Ward. Some church leaders are more lax in enforcing this rule, but I know my time as a YSA is coming to an end either way.

The thing is, I go to the YSA ward every Sunday and realize how different I am from everyone else there. There are a few people close to my age, but they have lived in this area all their lives and know everyone in the ward and in some cases are related to half the ward. I don't see myself continuing in a YSA ward past 6 months from now. I guess the real question is how much longer I can stand to go to the YSA ward knowing I will soon age out.

One Explanation for not Blogging

The reason I didn't update this little blog of mine from April 2012 until just recently is that had several big changes in my life during that time. One of those changes involved leaving my job and moving in with my Grandma Jeane for several months. It was not an easy decision to leave that job with its good pay and benefits, but when I sent the notice to my boss to let her know I was leaving to help my grandma I felt a great sense of peace. I made arrangements to put most of my things in storage or donate things I no longer felt I could keep and made the move from Castle Pines to Broomfield. Because of things that had happened it was easier than you might think to leave the YSA branch (church congregation) of which I had been such a big part, including most of the people who I had called my friends. Some said they would come to Broomfield (less than an hour away) to visit me -- none did. The one time I went back to visit I saw how good it was for me to leave what had become a toxic environment in my life.

I moved in with Grandma in late July of last year, just before the start of the London Olympic. I helped her with everyday chores as much as she would let me. Though I had moved in to help her she was still very determined at 90 plus years old to do many things on her own. I was more than willing to do the everyday cleaning too, but she had a lady coming in once a week to clean the house and would therefore get upset with me when she found me cleaning. I was able to help her sort through some of her mother's old clothes and take them to Goodwill.

Mostly I kept Grandma company. I would take her to her physical therapy and doctor appointments. We would sit together and watch the Olympics or other programs she enjoyed. I suppose I could have updated this blog periodically while watching television, but if I was ever doing something on my phone or computer while the TV was on Grandma would ask what I was doing and want to know why I wasn't giving my complete attention to the television. She could kind of understand how I could divide my attention if I was working on one of my crochet projects since that was mostly my hands doing the work and not so much my brain, but computer and television at the same time was practically a no-no. I very quickly got tired of trying to explain my multitasking and just enjoyed my time with Grandma.

The hardest part about living with Grandma though was slowly watching her decline. Those who were not there everyday like I was or every few days like my Aunt Jane could not see this decline. When others would come for a short visit Grandma would hide her pain, discomfort, and forgetfulness pretending that everything was perfectly normal until they were gone. Because I was there I knew she was forgetting things like taking her medication properly or if the dog had already been fed (not that Megan ever minded being fed again). Grandma would often go back into her office to "clean off the desk" but would get so bogged down in all the junk mail that she would insist on reading that it rarely ever got better. Sometimes I would sneak things out to the garbage or recycling just so she wouldn't try to save what really should be thrown out!

Finally, it came time for me to admit that I had done all I could do for her. I'd managed to get my mom to see that Grandma really needed more professional help. I took Grandma to a nearby assisted living facility a couple of times just to get an idea of the setup and cost. Meanwhile, we'd discovered that her artificial hips (which were 25 plus years old) were failing and replacing them would mean a difficult surgery that she likely couldn't survive. Walking became more difficult and painful for her until the day before her 91st birthday she could not put weight on her leg and had to start using a wheelchair.

It was difficult to watch this slow deterioration, but I am very grateful for the time I got to spend with Grandma Jeane. The things I learned about her life while I was with her are things I will cherish all my life.

Katie and Grandma visiting last August before Ryan left for his new job in Seattle

Blowing out the candles for her 91st birthday

I'm so glad I'm named after my Grandma Jeane!

What Happened to the Rest of 2012: An Update in Pictures

If there is anyone out there who still follows this little blog of mine you may be interested in what has happened since I last wrote over a year ago. Here are a few highlights in pictures:

The Wedding of My Younger Brother (18 May 2012)

Me and my favorite guy!

The Happy Couple

The original Baron Seven

The Baron Seven plus additions

All the "siblings"

The whole wedding crew (Jensen and Baron Families)

Nothing comes between me and my canoli

The happy couple leaving the reception

A Family Reunion (Early September 2012)

The Wedding of My Older Brother (15 December 2012)

Ryan in his awesome, authentic kilt

The Happy Couple

The original Baron Seven

Everyone from the Baron Side

The whole wedding crew (Wientjes and Baron Families)

The Baron Seven plus additions

Me and My Favorite Guy again

The Ring Ceremony

Dancing the Night Away

This is only a little of what took place the rest of last year. I'd put more, but it has gotten to the point that if I am ever going to post another blog I better get these highlights out there or I will continue putting it off. Perhaps I can do another one soon on other things that happened. I have some other ideas that I want to write about and put out into the blog-o-sphere as well so keep an eye out for more to come.

Hard to Believe

It's hard to believe that it has already been over a month since my last blog post...

It's hard to believe how much has changed in my life in that time...

It's hard to believe how okay I am with all the changes that have happened...

It's hard to believe that I've been at my job for almost 6 months...

It's hard to believe how blessed I am to have this job at this time in my life...

It's hard to believe how much I enjoyed my Easter weekend over in Utah...

It's hard to believe that part of me didn't want to come back to Colorado...

It's hard to believe that a month from today my little brother will be married to an amazing woman...

It's hard to believe that this will be the first wedding in my immediate family in over a dozen years...

It's hard to believe how many truly amazing people I have in my life...

Fun with Counting Down

For the last several weeks I have been noticeably counting down on Facebook. I've been having a lot of fun with it to. I haven't really told anyone to what I've been counting down though some already knew and others figured it out. But there are those who have asked and asked and asked again why I was counting down. Every time I saw one of the comments asking about my count down I laughed to myself. So many people couldn't seem to put 2 and 2 together. Well, since it's almost the end of the count down and I don't think many people will read this before hand I will elaborate and explain.

On February 16 it was only one more month until my birthday. In addition to that I realized that since this year was a leap year that day was 29 days before my birthday instead of the usual 28 AND this year I am turning 29. So, why not start a count down: 29 days until my 29th birthday? This is what I posted: "To count down, or not to count down - that is the question... I think I shall count down (if you know to what then shhh, don't spoil it for everyone)...29 days...". What made it even better is that I no longer have my birthday visible on Facebook - it was a personal choice. I'd rather get 5 to 10 birthday wishes from people who actually remember than 100 from people who only saw it on a website. Like I said, it was a personal choice.

So, I continued to count down. Some figured it out. My new roommate, Heidi, took it as a personal mission to give me one card for every day leading up to my birthday. You should see my bookshelf display of cards! It's quite magnificent!!! Those who had no idea what I was counting down to were going crazy - 'twas hilarious!!!!! Several asked if they were out of the loop which I found funny because there was no loop to be in. Some thought I was counting down to St. Patrick's Day - that's one day later my friends; learn to count. ;^) Clues were left, though they were very subtle in nature. Mainly, the point of the count down was for me to have a fun way of keeping track and pique the curiosity of others. I think I did a pretty good job.

I'd explain more, but I'm getting to that point in the night where thinking clearly is becoming quite a bit more difficult. My bed is calling my name and I really want to go sleep with it. So, for all those that have been wondering, if you are reading this, you now have the answer. I have been counting down to my 29th birthday! Happy Birthday to me!!! :^D

Where Does the Time Go...

I keep meaning to write something more on this little blog of mine. I come up with great titles for posts and cool topics to include. The next thing I know more time has passed than I realize and I still haven't written anything. I was going to post something last week when I heard about Davy Jones from the Monkee's passing away (the song Daydream Believer is one of my songs and where I got the name for this blog). Then I was going to post something about Dr. Seuss. Now I just feel like writing something would be a good start...

How about I catch everyone up on my crazy life?

A month ago I was very content with living by myself. I have a nice little one bedroom apartment in a lovely part of the South Denver Metro area. I spend a lot of time with friends so I mainly only sleep in my little apartment (though I do have people over on occasion). But things slowly began to change. I felt myself becoming more lonely than I had been in a while. I used to be someone who could be perfectly content at having a whole night alone to just relax. Now I feel like I don't know what to do with myself if I have "that much" time alone. I like being around people more than I ever thought I would. I also became aware of a friend's predicament with her living situation. It wasn't a bad situation but she was facing some very tough choices with deadlines on those choices coming up rapidly.

There had already been a couple of times where she had spent the night on my couch because it was safer for her than driving home drowsy. Then the times that she would stay with me became more frequent and I knew that something was up. I sat down to talk with her and - one thing leading to another - I asked if she wanted to move in with me. That was 2 weeks ago. We both gave the idea plenty of thought and prayer and felt like moving forward with this idea was a good thing. We got mixed reactions from family and friends, but ultimately it was our decision, not theirs. I got rid of my dining room table and chairs that I'd had since 2004 when I moved into my first apartment in Monroe (I hadn't used it as a dining set since September anyway). We got some good friends to help us and moved her in with me. That was just over a week ago.

If you had told me last month that I would have a roommate again - and not one out of necessity - I would have laughed in your face. But this really has been a great move for me. Miss Heidi Jo has helped me feel not so lonely. She and I are getting along great. We have a friendship based on being blunt with each other so we know we can say things like "Hey, this thing you did really bugged me." or "I really like that you did this." I've had roommates where the communication was almost non-existent. That only adds to the tension of living with someone day in and day out. I am a firm believer in good communication which is why I truly believe living with Heidi will be even better than I originally thought!

Guilty Pleasures... Minus the Guilt

So, I have recently rediscovered three of my "guilty pleasures", only there's very little (if any) guilt involved. I have been spending more of my time in these pursuits and find myself to be more relaxed and at ease when indulging in these pleasures.

Pleasure #1 - Crochet

Back in September I found myself itching to do something productive with my hands. I decided to look through my stash of yarn and came across a skein that was just asking to be made into a scarf. I found a particularly interesting pattern in my crafting library and set to work. I took it with me to a friend's house and worked on it while watching season four of The Big Bang Theory. A couple of weeks later I had this:

But the itch was still there. It was getting closer to Christmas time so I returned to my stash of yarn and crafting library, this time focusing on Christmas related items. I found something that piqued my interest and set to work again. The weekend before Christmas I had this to wear to church:

And it looked like this with my awesome gray dress:

I was very pleased with my recent creations and enjoyed showing them off, but it was time for me once again to make something for someone else. I was given the perfect opportunity for that since I went to Utah for Christmas weekend and my little brother had recently become engaged to a wonderful woman. I wanted to make something for my future sister-in-law, Adria, so I found out her favorite color, had some help in picking the perfect yarn, and fell back on one of the easiest patterns I know to make her this in less than two days:

Yep, it's a scarf and here she is wearing it right after I finished it:

It was kind of funny because she saw me making it, asked what it was, but didn't know it was for her. Once I finished it she said, "It's beautiful." I replied, "I'm glad you like it because it's yours!"

You'd think that would satisfy my itch for crochet, but there are still more projects asking to be done (like the afghan for a dear friend that I started over three years ago and really only have to piece it together to finish it). This video says it better than I ever could:



Thanks, David, for sharing this video with me!

Pleasure #2 - Puzzles

I enjoy working on puzzles of all kinds. The make me feel like I am still using my brain instead of letting it atrophy. Sure, I use my brain at work, but it's not quite to the level of challenging most of the time. I was recently feeling the need to pull out one of my puzzles that have been sitting in the box waiting for the day that I would challenge myself and find the picture in the chaos. I pulled it out one night a couple of weekends ago when I had nothing going on and need a distraction from the worry that had come upon me. I was not planning on becoming as focused as I did but the next thing I know it's after 3AM and had this for a finished product:

Yep, that's the Salt Lake City Temple and I finished the whole puzzle on my own in less than 12 hours. I left it sitting on my coffee table for a couple of days trying to decide what to do now that it was all put together. I could have used the puzzle glue, framed it, and put it on display but I really wanted to start another puzzle without having to mess with all of that first. So, I grabbed the box, took it apart, and put it away to repeat another time. I am working on another puzzle, this one of a castle, but it's taking me a little bit longer. I enjoy the process even when I can't seem to find the piece I'm looking for though I've picked up every piece at least four times! There's a particular pleasure that comes when I do find that piece and have even taken to giving the smallest of audible shouts for joy at those times no matter if I'm alone or have a friend over. I will finish this puzzle, and when I will proceed onto the next puzzle!

Pleasure #3 - Reading!!!

I am a librarian by education but not by profession (thanks a lot, economy!) but that does not deter my love of books and reading. With my new job as a Data Analyst, which I started on Halloween 2011, I occasionally find myself having some free time at work. I do my work but sometimes the work comes in slower than what I'm able to finish. For a while, I was very strict on myself as far as staying focused on work even though I would have nothing to do for hours on end. I was going stark-raving-mad! I was extremely stressed! I needed something that I felt was productive to do while waiting for more work to come in. So, even though I have shelves full of books I haven't quite gotten to I splurged and bought the last book in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle

My reading dry-spell seemed to have been broken. I finished Inheritance by the first full week in December. I had a bit of an incentive to finish it because I was flying to San Francisco the second week in December and while I wanted to take something along to read on the flights that book was a bit big for the journey. Luckily I had plenty more to read. My little sister, Frances, had brought some of her books over when she came for Thanksgiving because she'd been bugging me to read them for a while and that was the easiest way for me to get my hand on them. By now you're like likely asking "what books?" and wishing I'd hurry up and tell you. Well, without further adieu, I give you:

These were some of the best books I have ever read!!! I started reading The Hunger Games on my flight from Denver to Phoenix and continued it on the unexpectedly extended flight from Phoenix to San Francisco. Having that book with me was such a blessing! I became so engrossed in the story that the flights seemed to just fly by (ha ha, pun intended!). I flew out Tuesday night, flew back Friday night, and finished reading book one early Saturday morning. The very next day I started reading book two, Catching Fire. I had to know what happened next! I took it with me to work and on my flight to Salt Lake City to spend Christmas with the family. My timing was impeccable since I finished reading the last sentence as the plane came in to land. Thank goodness I had the foresight to bring book three along on the journey so I could start reading Mocking Jay on my flight home. (I couldn't really start it while in Utah since my time was taken up by Pleasure #1 as well as helping Mom and Dad, spending time with family, and occasionally sleeping.) I don't remember exactly when I finished Mocking Jay, but I do know it was before the new year. Three books in less than three weeks - my reading mojo is officially back and here to stay!!!

I have read at least two more books since completing The Hunger Games. Instead of going out and spending money on books I really do want to read I decided to peruse my shelves to see what I could find.

Meet the Billy twins (they are a bit fuller now than when this pic was taken last summer). They are home to most of my personal library though I still have quite a few books in boxes and may need to turn the twins into triplets at some point. I settled on a book my big sister, Katie, gave me for Christmas 2009 and began to devour Let the Great World Spin. The storytelling in this book was eye-opening. It's told from several different perspectives but everyone is connected in someway. Discovering the connections was a big part of the magic that sucked me into this book. That book took me about two weeks to finish (I'd become busy at work and life was dealing me some emotional blows at that time) but once I was done I knew exactly which book to pick up next.

Christmas of 2009 Katie gave Frances a book as well. I managed to find a copy at Goodwill and added to my library The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Oh! My! Goodness! I finished this book in less than three days and discovered a new favorite literary character in Miss Juliet Ashton. I don't know what more to say than I absolutely LOVED this book!!! Now I have moved back to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series which I started back in early 2010 but failed to continue until now. I'm over halfway through book two and can hardly wait to find out what happens next. Books three and four are patiently waiting on the shelf and I will get my hands on book five one way or another.

As you can tell I have found a few things to help me relax and move forward with life. I was really tense for a while, so much so that one of my friends who gives really good back massages could not make a difference when working on me. This past weekend that same friend was able to work out one of the larger knots in my back and commented on how much more relaxed I am now (he thinks it's because of all the reading I've been doing lately and I am inclined to agree).

There are many more things I want to do, many more books I want to read. I feel like my rediscovery of these little pleasures are helping me rediscover my identity. I am not the same person that moved away from Louisiana nearly five years ago, but there are still parts of that person in me that got buried in all the flirting and socializing along the way. I am still flirtatious and social, but I have returned to my pleasures in order to maintain who I really am.

Turn and Face the Change

Change happens much faster than I could have ever anticipated. It was my intention for 2011 to write at least 2 blog posts for each month yet this is my first post in 4 months, it's now 2012, and I have a lot of catching up to do.

September:

• Got to see Les Miserables with my big sis for her birthday. The production was amazing as was getting to spend time with Katie.
• Finally got to go to the Taste of Colorado with a good friend. I was going through a bit of a rough patch (basically, the Louise to my Thelma walked away from our friendship and made me feel like it was because of something I did) and my good friend worked to help me feel better.
• Went to my first professional hockey game (Avalanche) with amazing friends and made it on the big screen for at least a minute! That was a dang good time!!!

October:

• Lots of meetings, spending time with friends, helping my sister with her kids, and trying to keep up with life.
• Found out my little brother is in a serious relationship - through Facebook!
• Applied for a permanent job as a Data Analyst at InterCall.
• Temp assignment with InterCall ended early (I worked myself right out of a job).
• Had a first and second interview for Data Analyst job before leaving the company.
• Got another temp assignment through Office Team staffing agency at Baxa Corporation.
• Found out my big brother is in a serious relationship - through Facebook!!
• While working at Baxa had interview for a job at a logistics company, Baxa wanted to interview me, and was offered the Data Analyst job.
• Spent time with the whole fam when they came to town for my niece's birthday and baptism (my own mother didn't recognize me that morning though I was front and center).
• Danced up a storm at the annual Halloween Dance.
• Started my new, permanent job at InterCall on Halloween!!!! I'm on salary, baby!!!

November:

• Discovered with the new job comes the benefit of getting to work from home, especially when it snows like crazy!
• Celebrated Grandma's 90th birthday with the fam.
• Spent more and more time with friends.
• Learned more about my job and how amazing it feels to be supporting myself with a regular paycheck.
• Had a nice Thanksgiving with my family.
• Avoided the craziness of Black Friday!

December:

• Got to try Stake 'N Shake for the first time - loved it!!!
• Little brother got engaged!
• Came down with a cold that really knocked me off my feet (missed church for the first time in ages).
• Spent lots of time with good friends several times each week.
• Went to San Francisco on a business trip. It was a good trip business wise, but quite lonely...
• Got to see one of my good friends get married in the temple.
• Met little brother's fiance. Pretty awesome girl - she has to be to fit into my crazy family.
• Went to Utah for Christmas - two crazy days of family time!
• Dancing and partying with friends to bring an amazing end to 2011

So, there you have it. That's the synopsis of what I failed to blog about the last 4 months. There is quite a bit more that I left out, but that involves some very delicate emotions and basically, it's nun'ya! Suffice it to say that I am in a much better place at the beginning of this year than I was last year. I have a full-time job, good friends, my family, a place to call my own, and the faith to turn and face the change!

~~~Bring on 2012~~~

Becoming Jeane

Over the past few weeks I've had the chance to reflect on just how much I have changed since I moved here 4 years ago and even the changes I've experienced over the past few months. Often these reflections would come as I visit with my friends here in Colorado, most of whom I've only recently become close to. Those who knew me when I was growing up in Louisiana knew me as a quiet, reserved girl who very rarely would open up to those around her. Even in college I was quiet and shy and would often spend most of my free time at home by myself. When I moved to Colorado I decided that this was an opportunity for me to reinvent myself and I would make an effort to be more outgoing. But this change was in no way immediate. Though I was making more of an effort to be social I was still very reserved and kept to myself more than I reached out. I went to the church activities but left feeling just as alone as always. Slowly I became friends with people at church, more because of their efforts than my own.

I remember having a conversation with my good friend Ashlee one night. I was having a rough time and was frustrated with dating or more accurately the lack there of. She encouraged me to be more outgoing and flirt more with all the guys. My response to this: I don't know how to flirt. Fast forward to today. I am now one of the more flirtatious among my friends and quite enjoy my adventures in shameless flirting. Those who've met me within the last few months have a very hard time believing that I wasn't always this way. I even like flirting with all the
guys and seeing the different reactions that come from everyone.

There have been other things that have changed about me since I moved here but I think the flirting is the best example of how I have become the Jeane I am today. And what's even better is that I feel more comfortable with who I am than I ever have before. There will likely be times when someone around me doesn't like the way I act or what I say or who I am but the way I see it that's there problem. I am who I am at all times. I don't change who I am because that would make me a hypocrite. Plus, I know there are plenty of people out there who like me just the way I am.

On The Passage of Time...

I realized today that it's been 5 weeks since my last post. I want to post more often but several things happened all at once leaving me no time to blog. Since my last post I have started working again. I was talking with Katie on day about how I really needed a job when my phone rang. It was the staffing agency I interviewed with back in May telling me they had a long term temp assignment for me. What a tender mercy! I started the assignment on July 25. It's with a small-ish company called InterCall in Highlands Ranch. This is my 4th week there and though the pay isn't as much as I was making and it's only temporary (through about the end of the year) I am loving it so much more than my time spent at Dish Network. I work with some amazingly fun people and the atmosphere is so much more laid back. Granted, the work could be more interesting to me but for now it's a source of income and a means to occupy my time.

In addition to working again I'm still being kept very busy with church responsibilities and finding time for family and friends. The week that I started working turned out to be very, very busy for me. A dear friend needed some cheering up so I decided to have a movie night at my place. Well, my place was still a bit disorganized so I had to do my best to make it presentable. I needed bookcases more than anything else so my friend Candi and I made the quickest IKEA run ever at 8:30 on a Thursday night ( IKEA Centennial had just opened the day before) after I got off work, went to the grocery store, went to see my nephew for his birthday, and played volleyball at church. I got the bookcases I wanted and it was quite the trip getting them into my car. I hadn't exactly thought everything through so I wasn't sure how I'd get these long, heavy boxes into my apartment. I decided to call a friend who lives just a few miles from me to see if he and his brother would mind helping me. He agreed so I was able to get my twins named Billy into my apartment and put together without killing myself in the process. Thank you so very much Candi for going with me and helping me piece together my furniture and to Ryan and Eric for willingly being the muscle when I really needed it. (Yes Mom and Katie, I have learned how to ask for help from men!) Anyway, on Friday I still had lots of cleaning to do before people started coming over and I had to work. Luckily, I found out that on Fridays at my new job most people worked through their lunch break and left early. This was exactly what I needed because I had so much to do at home. I some how got everything done and was able to enjoy the company of friends.

The next day I went down to my aunt and uncle's place in LaJunta for a visit. My cousin Philip had just returned from his two year mission to Argentina so I figured it was a good reason to go Katie, et al, came down too and John even made the trip up from Lubbock. It was really nice getting to spend time with family though I couldn't stay long. We had a bbq on Saturday and went to church with them on Sunday to hear Philip speak. After the meeting we took some pictures and then I headed back north so I could make it to my own church meetings (I made pretty good time too). It was a good thing I did go back for my own meetings because I ended up being the only member of the Relief Society presidency there for all 3 hours. It was a little frustrating and I was exhausted but it was a good day.

There have been other things going on in my life. I've got an amazing new friend (she's the Louise to my Thelma) and I don't know what I'd do without her right now. There has been much shameless flirting on my part. It's my new favorite pastime and I've got some awesome stories from it too (perhaps in another post...). Some of you who read this know quite a bit about some of the other things going on with me right now. For the rest of you, all I'll say is that I'm waiting right now and if/when I have something more to tell, rest assured that I'll let you know. In the meantime know that I am happy with my life and am very glad I stayed in the southern suburbs.