About Moving

This month has once again brought lots of changes and challenges. Moving, car repairs, traveling, and trying to be social. There was even a job interview thrown in, but I'm 99.9% sure I didn't get the job.

On the 7th I got the keys to my new apartment and started to move in. I moved most of my stuff by myself with a little help from my sister Frances and a very few friends. Despite me moving almost everything on my own, I still got snide comments about how much stuff I have. Here's a hint for you: I KNOW how much stuff I have. Your stupid comments aren't going to change that. And why do you care? You didn't have to move it!!! Despite all that, I love my new place. I am back with my old room mate Amanda and we both love being on the 1st floor for a change. No More Stairs!!! (at least none that I have to climb to get home). It's also nice being closer to church and family. I used to live 10 miles from my sister Katie and her family. Now I'm only 2.5 miles away! I used to be 7 miles from church. Now I'm only 3 miles down the road! I am farther away from work, but right now I don't spend most of my time at work anyway. I still have a bit of unpacking to do and getting rid of stuff, but I'll get to that eventually.

A couple of weeks after I moved I flew with Katie to Utah to be with our family. For the first time in over 13 years our original family (Mom was calling us the Magnificent Seven) was together under the same roof. It was nice being together again. Family dinners were the best growing up, and I'm glad we were able to relive some of those times for just a couple of days.

The Magnificent Seven

From left to right: me, John, Frances, Dad, Mom, David, Katie

Last weekend Amanda and I went on a little road trip. I had invited a few other friends but they all turned me down for one reason or another... some friends! Anyway, we drove up to Idaho Springs and then went up the mountain road to the top of Mt. Evens, one of the several 14ers in the state of Colorado. It was a beautiful drive! We got to see wonderful scenery and adorable animals. I love being able to do things like that with Amanda.

I love how crazy Amanda is!

The mountain goats were all over the top of the mountain.

Amanda and I on top of the world... I mean mountain.

 

There are other things I could write about this time, like how alone I have felt and how I really have no one who is there for me when I need someone, but I don't want to share that here. I'd rather be able to sit with a friend and have them really listen to what I have to say instead of me always listening to them or being interrupted by other people that are more important. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm tired of putting my trust in people that really don't care... I don't even know why I try anymore...

For my Big Bro

Last year I dedicated a post to my little brother on his birthday. I figured it was appropriate to do the same for my big brother, John, on his birthday. So, here it is.

My big brother and I have a special connection that I can never have with my other siblings. You see, we were the only 2 of our family born in the great state of Texas. I don't remember everything first hand about the things we did together growing up. I'm sure he remembers more than I do - he is 2 years older than me after all. I have however heard all the stories over the years of sitting around the dinner table as a family.

There's the story of how I didn't speak as early as Katie and John. John helped me out at that time by being my translator. Anytime I needed something he would let everyone know what it was.

There's the story of how I beat him up side the head with the cast on my finger after I tried to cut the tip of it off with a door. I guess I was rather abusive to him growing up. He should know that I do love him. I've been trying to be nicer in more recent years.

There's the story of how I "borrowed" his school papers to teach myself how to write. I like how he helped me out even when he wasn't trying to.

There are some things that I do remember about growing up with John. He was always there, right ahead of me in school paving the way for me. We were in band together. We showed cows in 4-H together. We went on trips together. We've experienced many of the same difficulties in life often at the same time.

Though we've fought and gotten on each others' nerves we still love each other. I'm glad that I can say he is my brother and that we are able to get along as adults. He is getting ready to move on to a new part of life. I am excited for him and the opportunities that will open to him as he moves back to the state where we were born.

I love the support he has given me throughout my life. I love his crazy side that comes out every now and then. I really want the best for him in life. So, on this day of celebration I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my one and only big brother! :-)

June Already...

In some ways I have a hard time believing that it is already June. In others I'm glad it is because that means I have put even more distance between me and the not so fun times of a few months ago. Things seem to be working out a bit better for me now than they were the last few times I wrote. At least I know I am moving and am fairly certain that Amanda will be moving with me (though that means she didn't get the job... sad for her). The stressful thing about knowing I'm moving is that it's next week and I just barely started packing :-/

In other happenings my awesome friend Mandy got back from her mission to Chile last week! She called me the night she got home and we talked for about an hour. I went to her home ward on Sunday to hear her speak and then proceeded to drag her to the singles ward with me. She hates me for that, but I love that she's back!

I had some people over tonight to just chill and visit. It was nice not having to cook for a bunch of people and not really worrying if people were going to show up or not. I just kept packing while people stopped by until lots of people were here and stayed. Chillin' with friends is a great way to spend a summer evening and have a sort-of moving party. So many fun times in this apartment, but I'm sure I'll have more at my new place. Plus, the new place is on the first floor so no more stairs!!!

Clarity

Life has been a bit rough on me lately, but that is life. I am grateful for the people in my life who think I am wonderful or amazing or what-have-you. I am even more grateful for those people who have taken the opportunity to tell me what they think to my face instead of leaving me in the dark.

Yes, the last post was an expression of my frustration about boys. Yes, it was brought about by one specific boy most recently. But more than that it was an expression of my feeling of helplessness in that part of my life. Friendships don't really come easily for me... they never have. I may know lots of people, but how many of them can say they know me? I have no ill feelings towards the boy who thinks I'm "wonderful" but not for him. In fact I have a greater respect for him for being straightforward with me instead of leading me on. I am hurt by the repetition of this situation I find myself in.

I had a long talk with my bishop today... about an hour and a half long. I made the appointment earlier in the week when I was really down in the dumps, but decided to stick with the meeting anyway. Boy, am I glad I did! I really needed someone to talk to, to have someone's undivided attention to listen to me really express myself. He really helped me to see things a bit clearer in my life so while things aren't what I'd have hoped they'd be I still have a pretty good life. And it was a great way to finish my day at chuch which was accented by an amazing Sunday School lesson taught by one of my friends.

I think I'm done rambling for now. It has been a long week, but ultimately a good one. For the few of you that actually take the time to read this little blog of mine, thank you. I appreciate the comments and want you to know that I really am doing ok. I have my bad days, but somehow I always manage to bounce back.

Empty, Aching, Tumbling, Breaking

Being told how "amazing" and "wonderful" I am doesn't really help when in the long run I know I'm invisible...